Gay Marriage

by Duffy McMahon on February 8, 2012 • No comments

I have to be truthful here. Why does anyone care who marries who? Unless it affects you personally, and I don’t mean whatever bigoted or religious bias you possess, what difference does it make?

It would be a welcome relief if these religious zealots, who refer to marriage as a sacred union between a man and a woman, under God, actually knew anything about the history of marriage. Historically, God had nothing to do with marriage. Depending on how far back in history you want to delve, the primary purpose of a marriage was to bind a woman to a man guaranteeing the man’s children were truly his biological heirs. After all, you wouldn’t want just any bastard showing up and saying; “Hi dad, where’s my inheritance?” In most societies, from Hebrews to Romans to Greeks, married men were free to enjoy concubines, prostitutes and male lovers while their wives were required to stay home and tend to the household, which I consider extremely sexist. Mel Brooks once said, “With all the running and cavorting men used to do, it’s no wonder to be considered Jewish, your mother has to be Jewish…you always know who your mother is…your dad…ehhh?”

It wasn’t until the Council of Trent in 1563 that the Sacramental nature of marriage was written into Canon Law. The husband’s authority was established under a legal doctrine called “coverture” in which the bride relinquished her identity by giving up her name. Some things haven’t changed. But even then, marriage was a contract. Women were property. The bride’s father or guardian chose the groom and provided the dowry. Okay…I’ll give you two cows, three sheep, six chickens, and two hectares and you take the girl. Talk about feeling like a piece of meat…where’s the love…the romance.

History isn’t just relegated to heterosexuals. Recorded history of Gays, Lesbians and Transgender persons, with references to gender-to-gender marriage, dates back to the Code of Hammurabi, around 1700 BC. There are historical records of Gay marriages being performed during the Roman Empire. While religious fundamentalists might not want to acknowledge it, Gay marriage has even been a part of Christian history. Although rare, Some Catholic and Greek Orthodox churches performed a ceremony called “Order for Solemnization of Same Sex Union”. The cleric asked God to grant the participants “grace to love one another, abide unhated and not cause scandal all the days of their lives with the help of the Holy Mother of God and all thy saints”. Doesn’t sound like God had a problem there.

It wasn’t until the 1800’s and Queen Victoria that the idea of a loving marriage was considered and even then clerics felt that love between spouses was unimportant. Today, we take it for granted that we should love the person we are to marry. Marriage is a commitment of two people who want to be together. Who says it has to be a male and a female? As a psychotherapist, I can tell you I’ve seen as many, long term, loving relationships between homosexuals as I have heterosexuals. So what’s the problem? Why is it so important to not let homosexuals marry? And what makes it anyone’s business?

And, for those of you who believe that homosexual love is wrong in God’s eyes…in my God’s eyes, loving someone can never be wrong.

This is Duffy On Your Mind